I have lost my inspiration.
I've lost the will to write
to weave silent stories in words
and I've lost the ambition to become that person
who could create landscapes
with the flick of a tongue
I've lost the rhyme and reason
to figure out what is fiction and what is wrong
I've lost myself in my words
it's funny how that works.
I tried to become something that I am sure not
an artist,
slowly withering away like the rose
that sit so prominently on my heart
I'm losing my soul to my motivation
to finish school
go on to the future
I've gotten caught up in the stupidity of it all
and it hard for me to
stop
with simply sentences I could have written you into a world
but now that's slowly fading
I'm losing
and it's scary
crying doesn't help anymore
so tell me exercise this demon
how to win this war
because now when I come to think of it
I'm losing you
with in losing me
so we're both just dumb and lost
but mistake it for being free
so I don't know what to say to you
when you ask me how I feel
I really wish I could tell you
tell you something real.
I've broken myself away
or so I thought...
I found an old message from you today
each word laced with ghosts of our love once past
and I remember each promise
and each memory in all its purity
slowly turns to glass
a mirror of myself once in all my beauty
fading into the distant dead
each feature of myself was effected by
the your wonderful numbing lies
eyes darkened
skin slowly withered
over worked heart
and weary head
I asked you once if you ever told me the truth
and you said "every time"
but tell me how you spoke with such confidence
about a future you knew nothing about
slowly killing a person who was so weak to begin with
suicide tears I remember
covering my pillow
like blood sucked from wrist
when struggles got too hard
like screaming through telephone receivers
asking you to hang up
so tell me why I never gave up
on you
why I let you cause so much pain
Even now, having someone who wants to heal me
I allow you to creep into the confines of my mind
and I blindly accept every word as though it was still being spoken
you see I cut you from my life
that I still remember
I never cut that piece of you
that still lives inside me
you were my conscience
but now I'm sick of your voice
and every thought of you makes me hate who I am
because I gave you everything
that I so desperately want to give to him
or so I thought...
I found an old message from you today
each word laced with ghosts of our love once past
and I remember each promise
and each memory in all its purity
slowly turns to glass
a mirror of myself once in all my beauty
fading into the distant dead
each feature of myself was effected by
the your wonderful numbing lies
eyes darkened
skin slowly withered
over worked heart
and weary head
I asked you once if you ever told me the truth
and you said "every time"
but tell me how you spoke with such confidence
about a future you knew nothing about
slowly killing a person who was so weak to begin with
suicide tears I remember
covering my pillow
like blood sucked from wrist
when struggles got too hard
like screaming through telephone receivers
asking you to hang up
so tell me why I never gave up
on you
why I let you cause so much pain
Even now, having someone who wants to heal me
I allow you to creep into the confines of my mind
and I blindly accept every word as though it was still being spoken
you see I cut you from my life
that I still remember
I never cut that piece of you
that still lives inside me
you were my conscience
but now I'm sick of your voice
and every thought of you makes me hate who I am
because I gave you everything
that I so desperately want to give to him
To you
I can't thank you for what you see before you.
I can't say that you had any part in what I am today.
I taught myself to mend holes in hearts
and wounds in others.
I taught myself to stand up and speak when it's appropriate
So I can't say that you helped me bloom into so called beauty you see before
the colorful word girl
that stands so straight and tall.
I taught myself to battle with depression
and to fight of anxiety
when it attacks my heart
but only when I see you.
I look into your eyes and see cuts and bandages
I see stride and struggle
but not once have you opened that for me
I'm always on the otherside of the door
trying to
knock
kick
cry
BREAK in
I'm always trying to be your perfect little girl
but not anymore.
As you try to make casual conversation
I soon realize you're not listening to a word
I might be saying.
my future plans?
Artist
How do I plan to achieve?
Staying as far as possible away from you
cause all you ever caused me pain and sorrow
regret
all you ever left me with was memories
that I don't were true
but they create a better image of you
and as you push me farther and farther
I lay restless and broke
dreaming of the perfect father.
I can't say that you had any part in what I am today.
I taught myself to mend holes in hearts
and wounds in others.
I taught myself to stand up and speak when it's appropriate
So I can't say that you helped me bloom into so called beauty you see before
the colorful word girl
that stands so straight and tall.
I taught myself to battle with depression
and to fight of anxiety
when it attacks my heart
but only when I see you.
I look into your eyes and see cuts and bandages
I see stride and struggle
but not once have you opened that for me
I'm always on the otherside of the door
trying to
knock
kick
cry
BREAK in
I'm always trying to be your perfect little girl
but not anymore.
As you try to make casual conversation
I soon realize you're not listening to a word
I might be saying.
my future plans?
Artist
How do I plan to achieve?
Staying as far as possible away from you
cause all you ever caused me pain and sorrow
regret
all you ever left me with was memories
that I don't were true
but they create a better image of you
and as you push me farther and farther
I lay restless and broke
dreaming of the perfect father.
I'm not ready anymore
I shake too much
that I might make a plane crash
I'm not ready to let go
and stop holding on
I'm not ready to
be left alone
and to try picking myself up
I'm not ready to be heartbroken
I'm not ready to be "just friends"
I'm not ready to be older
or what people call wiser
age never made a difference
I still feel seven
I'm not ready
to calm down
to stop crying
or to be the bigger person
I'm not ready
I'm not ready
I swear I'm not ready
Why does everyone seem so sure
I still get scared of the dark
and I laugh on a regular basis
I'm not ready for that to end
I'm not ready
I'm not ready
someone please
just hold me back
because I'm not ready
be anything you want me to be
I'm not ready to be
the new world and age revolutionary
imaginary freedom fighter
I'm not ready
I'm not ready
Oh for christ sakes
I'm really not ready.
I shake too much
that I might make a plane crash
I'm not ready to let go
and stop holding on
I'm not ready to
be left alone
and to try picking myself up
I'm not ready to be heartbroken
I'm not ready to be "just friends"
I'm not ready to be older
or what people call wiser
age never made a difference
I still feel seven
I'm not ready
to calm down
to stop crying
or to be the bigger person
I'm not ready
I'm not ready
I swear I'm not ready
Why does everyone seem so sure
I still get scared of the dark
and I laugh on a regular basis
I'm not ready for that to end
I'm not ready
I'm not ready
someone please
just hold me back
because I'm not ready
be anything you want me to be
I'm not ready to be
the new world and age revolutionary
imaginary freedom fighter
I'm not ready
I'm not ready
Oh for christ sakes
I'm really not ready.
Best and worse.
there's something so beautiful about people
at their worst
I have a friend
too angry to control himself
so self destructive
he makes bombs want to implode on themselves
I'm talking really fucked up
from body to mind up
he can't even think straight from all
the devils and demons he's thunk up
but there's something about this guy
no this man
that I so admire
he makes these bones feel weak
and makes these lips almost quiver too much to speak
He calls himself hateful
but all I wish is to be full of him
emotionally
I want to wrap myself around every thought in his head
and know all the things that haven't yet been said,
but how do you explain to someone who has never known love
that you would do anything for them
throw yourself on to train tracks for them
how do you make someone comprehend
that you love their stupid fucked up head
and you like that they see things different
than society sees them
I want to hold his hand one day
and mend whatever cut or burns he leaves on himself
I'm too anxious to be kept on his shelf
but I'll wait patiently
hoping
wishing
that he realizes
that I love him at his best
but even better at his worst.
at their worst
I have a friend
too angry to control himself
so self destructive
he makes bombs want to implode on themselves
I'm talking really fucked up
from body to mind up
he can't even think straight from all
the devils and demons he's thunk up
but there's something about this guy
no this man
that I so admire
he makes these bones feel weak
and makes these lips almost quiver too much to speak
He calls himself hateful
but all I wish is to be full of him
emotionally
I want to wrap myself around every thought in his head
and know all the things that haven't yet been said,
but how do you explain to someone who has never known love
that you would do anything for them
throw yourself on to train tracks for them
how do you make someone comprehend
that you love their stupid fucked up head
and you like that they see things different
than society sees them
I want to hold his hand one day
and mend whatever cut or burns he leaves on himself
I'm too anxious to be kept on his shelf
but I'll wait patiently
hoping
wishing
that he realizes
that I love him at his best
but even better at his worst.
This body has been used
abused
stolen
broken
beaten
loved
and
forgotten by many
I sit in vibrant colors
and still am invisible
I am no rare beauty
no missing link
or mythical sex icon
I am merely me
small
and soft spoken
in a body too hidden to see
I am morbid in a way
and tend to keep people away
but its really hard for me
to see the point in living
here
give me a reason and I'll stay
because I'm that much of a pushover
I obey because I'm scared
and rebel
in my head
its amazing what I have up there
I could start a riot
if I had the right motivation to
No ever knows what I'm thinking
due to the fact that I am never thinking anything
I only feel
and react
thoughts and ideas flow through
pens and pencils for me
so its hard to verbalize
my franchise for fluffier weaponry
so forgive me for being me
its the only thing I have
because you see
this body has been used
abused
stolen
broken
beaten
loved
and forgotten by even you.
abused
stolen
broken
beaten
loved
and
forgotten by many
I sit in vibrant colors
and still am invisible
I am no rare beauty
no missing link
or mythical sex icon
I am merely me
small
and soft spoken
in a body too hidden to see
I am morbid in a way
and tend to keep people away
but its really hard for me
to see the point in living
here
give me a reason and I'll stay
because I'm that much of a pushover
I obey because I'm scared
and rebel
in my head
its amazing what I have up there
I could start a riot
if I had the right motivation to
No ever knows what I'm thinking
due to the fact that I am never thinking anything
I only feel
and react
thoughts and ideas flow through
pens and pencils for me
so its hard to verbalize
my franchise for fluffier weaponry
so forgive me for being me
its the only thing I have
because you see
this body has been used
abused
stolen
broken
beaten
loved
and forgotten by even you.
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